


Yelling at People in Restaurants

by JeanjacketCarf



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Flat earth theory, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hollow Earth theory, Undercover Missions, making fun of both, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-04 18:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15153509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeanjacketCarf/pseuds/JeanjacketCarf
Summary: Cisco and Caitlin are on Earth-38 and they are very bad at going undercover. Maybe they should have told Kara that before they agreed to billionaire-sit.





	Yelling at People in Restaurants

The call comes out of the blue from Earth 38. Kara needs to help her cousin battle some sort of intergalactic warlord in the next star system over and she’s not sure how long she’ll be gone but probably only a week. (That sort of statement makes Cisco’s head spin.) In the meantime, though, she has a bit of a concern. Her friend, Lena Luthor, apparently is almost killed about once or twice a month and Kara doesn’t want to leave her unattended, but it would be a misuse of government resources to put agents from the DEO on her security detail. So Kara reaches out to them and offers a not insignificant amount of cash. Apparently, Kara sometimes dives into the ocean and comes up with huge chunks of rare earth metals. Superheroes shouldn’t be taking money but they are always trying to come up with schemes to keep Star Labs afloat. In the end, it’s what persuades Iris to let them go in the end. She’s practical that way even if Barry isn’t.

So there they are. Undercover and trailing an accident-prone billionaire. It would be easy if they could just announce their presence but Lena doesn’t actually know Kara is Supergirl and the DEO is hoping to keep other Earths a secret. Instead, Cisco is a brilliant engineer just hired on at L Corp and Caitlin is her new bougie neighbor across the hall at her luxury apartment building. 

To pull it off they cooked up a fake resume and bribed the building manager to stay in the vacant apartment for a week. Lena saw a bunch of hired movers carrying in empty boxes and a couch borrowed from one of those companies that help realtors dress up houses for showings. Caitlin is supposed to be a wealthy woman of leisure moving in alone to her Autumn apartment while in truth they’re sleeping together on the floor in sleeping bags. (It turns out expensive, blindingly white couches aren’t very comfortable.) 

On Tuesday, Lena actually leaves the office before midnight to get lunch with James Olsen and Cisco manages to tag along without seeming too desperate. In the back of Lena’s personal town car, he texts Caitlin to meet them at the restaurant but to try to stay out of sight.

Cisco pretty quickly regrets it because unbeknownst to him Lena is a vegan and James apparently has the same diet as Dwayne Johnson, aka two pounds of bland white fish and rice with the occasional spattering of raw vegetables, so the restaurant they chose serves kombucha and kale and absolutely no triple stacked burgers. He makes a mental note about swinging by Big Belly Burgers after while tuning out Lena and James’ discussion of the last quarter's figures. Over Lena’s shoulder, he catches sight of Caitlin eating some sort of Greek yogurt parfait without any sugar. She’s probably a little too close but he’s glad they’re able to make eye contact enough for him to shoot her a look of pure boredom. Caitlin sees it and laughs into her spoon, trying to keep her eyes on her phone in front of her like any self-respecting woman eating alone.

“What do you think, Mr. Ramon?” James asks and Cisco jolts in his seat. Lena and James are looking at him, their meals already half gone, unlike Cisco who has only pushed his zucchini noodles around.

He tries to recover by pushing up his fake glasses, the suit vest he decided was in character for Francisco Ramon of Earth-38 that morning feeling suddenly too tight.  
“I’m sorry. I must have zoned out there,” he laughs nervously. “What do I think about what?”

Lena takes a sip of what looks like algae. “How much stock do you put in these Gog rumors?”

Cisco can feel his eyes go wide. She says it just like that like it’s an ordinary thing. How much stock does he put in the Gog rumors? What the hell is a Gog? But maybe for people from Earth-38, that’s a perfectly ordinary topic of discussion.

“Um, well… I…,” He glances over at Caitlin as if she could tell him what to say. Unfortunately, what they had neglected to tell Kara was that they both kinda sucked at undercover work. “I don’t really believe them.” That seems like a safe answer.

James leans forward, intrigued. Oh, great.

“Really? I think there might be some truth to it. I mean, crazier things have happened.”

Lena shakes her head. “Look, you know my trust of Superman is limited if growing but I just don’t believe that he could ever be responsible for something like that.”

Caitlin leans closer, eavesdropping and furiously typing on her phone. Cisco nearly sends up a silent thanks to Google. He closes his eyes and gives Caitlin a little good shit hand signal.

“So is it the hypertime that you find far-fetched?” James asks and Cisco winces when he realizes it’s addressed to him. Hypertime? 

Suddenly, Caitlin is waving her phone around behind Lena’s head and zooming in on the Wikipedia blurb. Cisco squints but the screen is too small. She mouths something at him. Cisco also kinda sucks at reading lips.

You too? U-2? Suture? Something with two syllables but that’s all he gets.

She mimes stabbing with her spoon. Cisco shakes his head.

“What?” And yeah, he actually says it out loud.

Lena follows his gaze over her shoulder right to Caitlin. Her eyebrows go up and she glances back and forth between Cisco and Caitlin.

“Caitlin! What a surprise! Do you two know each other?”

Cisco doesn’t mean to but sometimes when he panics his mouth just starts going and he can’t control it.

He scoffs, a condescending huff really.

“Please. Her? No way. I don’t talk to stuffy, polo wearing, polo playing, sq- squatchers,” he stumbles over his own words, stuttering. “Uh, uh capitalist scum!” To his horror, he’s pointing and enunciating each fumbling insult with a sharp poke to the air.

Lena goes pale and James leans back from the table. Heads begin to turn in the restaurant because Cisco realizes his volume has risen to a near shout.

Caitlin for her part nearly swallows her spoon. When Lena turned to look at her she had started digging into her food and acting like she hadn’t just been looking at Cisco. Now she’s practically turning purple. Cisco can just see the gears in her head turning and then grinding to a halt. Steam might as well be coming out of her ears.

“Oh? Oh?” She manages to croak out, letting the spoon fall to the table with a clatter. “Well! I don’t trust scientists like you. You’re all liars. We know, we know that the earth’s hollow and that’s where aliens live. That’s where they come from. Space isn’t real! No one landed on the moon. The moon isn’t real!”

A hush comes over the restaurant. Out of the corner of his eye, Cisco sees James’ perfect rendition of the blinking surprised guy gif. Then, some teenager with his mom starts up a slow clap. Caitlin, stiff as a board, goes red all the way from the tips of her ears to her neck. Cisco meets her eyes and they share a look of desperate agony.

A waitress slinks up on their right and clears her throat loudly. “Um, ma’am? Maybe you should leave?”

Caitlin stands up abruptly, nearly knocking over her chair.

“Right, yeah. Of course. I deserve that.” She throws down her credit card and walks out, tripping in her high heels.

Slowly, people turn back to their own tables though there is still a lot of snickers. Lena purses her lips and lays down a careful wad of cash. Cisco has noticed that she rarely pays with credit. Actually, she might not even have a credit card. It’s kind of odd. Still, he’s clearly not much of a spy.

“I think we should be going too,” she declares.

Cisco tucks his hands in his pockets and slouches in his chair, torn between laughing and pounding his head on the table in front of him.

“If it’s alright with you, I think I’ll take a cab back to work.”  
Lena gives him a sharp nod, avoiding eye contact, and files past him with James in her wake. Cisco broods for a second or two before heading to the bathroom to breach back to their temporary HQ.

…………………..

On the street, James breathes in the sharp fall air and winds his scarf around his neck.

“So do you think they used to date or what?”

The corner of Lena’s mouth turns up, humor twinkling in her green eyes.

“I don’t know but they definitely know each other.”

James lets out a short whistle. “I’m calling it now- bitter exes. Nobody goes off like that on a stranger.”

“Even Hollow-Earthers and people who hate capitalist scum?” Lena asks with a raised eyebrow just as her town car pulls up to the curb. James shrugs.

“Okay, I guess they might be a little harder to predict.”

Lena shakes her head just imagining how this will look on the morning tabloids. Maybe it will even be on TMZ.

 

…………………..

By the time Caitlin makes it back to the apartment, Cisco has run the whole scenario through about fifteen times in his head. Tears of laughter are streaming down his face. She shoves the front door open then slams it closed, leaning heavily against it.

“I’m surprised Killer Frost didn’t manifest to freeze my mouth shut,” she moans.

Cisco laughs. “Oh, hey! Do think space is real?”

Caitlin bangs her head back against the door.

“Shut up! You put me on the spot and you know it! What was I supposed to do?”

“Literally anything else! You should have just said that we did know each other.”

“You said we didn’t! It’s ‘yes and’ not ‘no, but’, Cisco.”

“Did you just improv me? How did I not know you do improv?”

Caitlin sighs, sliding down the door to sit slumped on the floor.

“I don’t do improv. I did improv. In college.”

This sets Cisco off on a new burst of laughter. He wipes a tear from his eye and hops off the couch to join her on the floor.

“Thank you. I didn’t know I was missing that information from my life.”

She crosses her arms and scowls at him. “You didn’t give me a lot to work with, Che. Why would your character even know I was a ‘capitalist’?”

“How would your character know I was a scientist?” He shoots back. “Besides I’m an engineer not like an astronaut or something. I’m not involved in this conspiracy to make up space.”

Caitlin grins. “You’re all involved! Covering up that it’s just a solid dome.”

“Okay,” Cisco rolls his eyes. “That’s definitely not what Flat-Earthers believe.”

“Hollow Earth Theory. Not Flat Earth Theory. Completely different. Incompatible. The earth can’t be flat and hollow.”

“I don’t know it could be just really thick and then hollow on the inside. We’ll never know really. It’s not like it could be proved either way.”

Caitlin buries her face in her hands, shoulders shaking hard. It takes Cisco a second to realize she’s laughing, so hard she can barely breathe.

When she finally calms down, she peers up through her hands at him.

“You realize that we basically just told Lena we hate her, right? You hate capitalists and she’s the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company and I hate scientists which she is. So that will help our plan.”

Cisco groaned and spread himself out on the floor. “It’s fine. We’ll just stalk her for the rest of the week. Then, maybe Kara will tell her someday that we actually weren’t-”  
“The type of people who yell at restaurants?”

“For starters.”

They shared the kind of smile they often did when their lives got too ridiculous and they clearly weren’t equipped to handle it. The kind of smile that said, somehow, they were having fun. And that's all they could ask for really.

**Author's Note:**

> Btw Gog is an old Superman villain from the future who apparently blamed Superman for destroying Kansas or something like that. I thought it would be funny for people to talk about crazy comic stories like they were regular news.  
> It's been a bit since I wrote a fic so I thought I would pop out this little thing. (It could possibly be part of something longer also attempting to be funny) This also fits into one of the killervibe week prompts but I'm not tagging it as that since it's super late and not very romantic or at all.  
> Let me know what you think! I love hearing from you guys.


End file.
